You just (pick 1) got married, had a baby, got a new job, bought a house, ate a pizza. And I'm .... being called Akunha 24/7.

So recently I've been reflecting a lot on my time here and some of the not so good parts of it.  In this post I am going to talk about something that I don't always talk about especially when people in the US ask how things are going.  Usually I respond that things are good and tell them about whatever I can that has been good in my life at that time.  For me this has been the hardest part of my experience here in Mozambique, it is homesickness.  Two of my closest friends since preschool/kindergarten went through some pretty big life changes recently, which I had to miss, one got married and one had her first child, and many others in my life have had some major life events. 

I knew signing up for the Peace Corps that I would end up missing many important things in the lives of people back home.  I knew I’d miss big life events such as, new jobs, new boyfriends/girlfriends, engagements, marriages, babies, etc.  I knew this going into it and some of these things, I knew specifically were going to happen and I’d be missing them while I was in Mozambique.  I thought long and hard about what I’d missing before I accepted this volunteer position.  It wasn’t easy, but I decided I needed to try this experience otherwise I would regret it, and wonder what life would have been like if I had taken this chance.  There was never going to be a perfect time to do this, a time where no one back home was going to be moving on with his or her lives, where there would be nothing important happening in my friends and family’s lives.  However, this was the time when I needed to do this, because otherwise, I would get a job and it would be harder for me to leave, and maybe I’d meet someone that would make it harder to leave. 

Making that decision and accepting what I would be missing was probably the hardest part of this process for me, but I accepted it, and knew that this experience was what I wanted from my life.  Just like all my friends who were getting married or having babies, that is what they wanted from life and that is what makes them happy.  What I didn’t realize was how hard it would to be to actually miss these events.  I knew my oldest friend would be getting married, and I love a good wedding and wedding reception with my friends and that was very hard for me to miss.  Luckily I was helping with a conference and we had  a lot of problems and things to deal with, so I had a lot on my mind trying to fix those and didn’t really have much of a chance to think about it. 

I’m not the type of person that likes to admit when I cry or let people see me cry, but this is where I’m about to get real.  When I found out my friend was pregnant a while ago, I shed a few tears and then again when she had the baby.  I don’t know if I was just having a tough day when I found that out or was particularly homesick that day, but here I am… telling you that I cried a little when my friends back in the states had some pretty exciting happy news.  I would not change this experience for anything.  I love my life here.  I love the people I have met, my students, my work (most of the time), Mozambique (most of the time), but I didn’t realize how much I would miss people from home.  I knew I’d miss them, but I’d never experienced homesickness, and I definitely have now. 

Technology now, is both a blessing and a curse.  It allows me to talk with friends and family (although not as often as I’m sure some of them would like *cough, cough* Mom and dad … sorry).  It will allow me to meet my friend’s new baby and see him grow, even before I get to meet him in person.  It allows me to keep you updated on life here and share parts of this wonderful country with the world.  But it also is a constant reminder of things I am not a part of.  I see all my friends and everyday things that they are doing together, that I might have been part of if I was still in the United States.   I hear about the holidays spent with family, which I usually am part of.  I see the great things that my friends and family are continuing to do, while some days I feel like I’m just sitting in Africa.

This is part of the Peace Corps experience that not everyone talks about, but if you’ve done this, you probably know what I’m talking about.  This is the part that you may have been told about before going to your country of service, or may have thought you were prepared, but when wedding days pass without you, you may not have been completely prepared.  This is part of the reason that us volunteers have such strong bonds with each other, we each have our own experiences, but we can understand the general feelings that we all go through.  We struggle to understand the new culture and languages that we are immersed in.  We struggle to not feel homesick, or to not feel like we are missing out.  But we get to speak English at a normal speed together (not the slowed down version we put on for most of our students and people who want to learn English from us).  We get to meet new people, we may have never had the chance to know otherwise.  We get to make friends from all over the world.  We get to have amazing, scary, wonderful, and new experiences all the time.  So although I miss everyone from the states, and I have missed a lot of my closest friends major life events, and some days I wonder what I am doing with my life, I wouldn’t trade this in for anything.